Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
