so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
i now understand why vodka
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
