Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
