the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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