I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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