This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
