did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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