god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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