Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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