It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He shit in the fireplace
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
