if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
