his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
