I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I have already put on my inside pants.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
