You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
