Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
