His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
