I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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