I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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