Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize