New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
