I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
