just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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