I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
