I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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