I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
