so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
