There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize