you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
