every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Watching her eat just hurts me
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
