are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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