The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
