We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
