Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
