I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
