Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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