Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
