Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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