Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
