Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
