question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
