Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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