Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
