I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
