id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize