at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize