Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
