You can't special order awesome
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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