Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
