It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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