Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize