well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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