What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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