So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
