i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
