Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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