I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
