He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize