But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
