so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
