There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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