I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
