So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
