just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
