My balls are so social today.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
