when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
