we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
